When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
