Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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