Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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