Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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