i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
