She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize