I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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