Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
