yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
