Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
