see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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