yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
