I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
