Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
