Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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