Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
