Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
