I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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