I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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