well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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