i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
