shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
