Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I cockslap morals
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
