Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
