Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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