Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
