Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
