You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
