I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize