SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
