Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize