No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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