my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This house was built for laser tag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Randomize
