trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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