The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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