I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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