Can i not drive my cunt home
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So many bounce houses so little time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
