you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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