that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
