lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
