i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
