Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
