I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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