remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
