Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
