mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
