He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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