i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
