I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
