while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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