We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
