before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
