I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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