I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
