And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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