I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
