She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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