Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
