2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
