You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
