You can't special order awesome
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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