She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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