You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
