I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
