I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
