There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
