he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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