The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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