as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
