I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
