Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its about making memories worth repressing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
