We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
