Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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