Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
