the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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