Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
