I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
