your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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