Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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