never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
